Wednesday, 19 February 2014

Schizocraftia



Over the years I have formulated from life experience, inner realization and friend and family support that I've had to come to an admittance.. I have an issue... and finally have self diagnosed myself with an affliction... Schizocraftia.


You may have heard me mention this word a few times.. and I use it in person. Its very fitting you may not know that it means... but if you craft the chances are.. You know EXACTLY what I mean when I say it.

Now you  may ask yourself what is this? How did it happen and most importantly...DO I HAVE IT? 

Do not fret... or maybe you should.. maybe your husbands and partners should. I'm not certain there is a cure.. but I don't think its contagious. Ok I lie it's contagious.

Be afraid, be very afraid for this affliction is very very infectious. One it grabs roots there is NO going back. I have seen friends fall from the graces of norm society into the fabric filled dungeons of craft tutorial jungles and turn into Pintresting craft-aholic junkies. 



I've created a series of questions to help establish your status.


 Please keep track of your points. AND honestly people... keep it real.



1.) You have skipped meals because you are too busy making things. one point

2.) You have been late for appointments, work etc because you have been crafting. one point

3.) Have have done both 1. and 2. in the same day. two additional points

4.) You have started a new project even though you have 5 unfinished ones... because this one will be quick right? one point

5.) You understand that crafting is about WANT not NEED. one point

6.) You have more drawers full of fabric/crafting supplies than you do clothing. two points

7.) You own more than 4 pairs of scissors.            two point

8.) You have a "special" pair of scissors.  one point



9.) Your sewing machine has a name. one point for each machine

10.) You read that and thought that is a great idea. one point

11) You have fabric that is older than your children/job/pet. two points and additional 3 points if you have fabric older than you.

12) You feel nervous bringing home new stuff in case your partner notices. "MORE? Really?"  two points

 13) Some days you secretly wish you didn't require sleep so you could get more done. one point

14) You have pulled more than one 4am'er so you can finish before your deadline. two points

15) Your inability to walk past a craft store without "just a peek" one point

16) You go to craft fairs and end up holding out buying things because you think you can make it cheaper AND better. one point

17) You do or have spent more on crafts than food. two points
( actual food bill on the left... actual Michaels bill on the right..... 'nuff said )

18) You would rather spend more on crafts than food. one point

19) Your stash will out live you.



20) You have more glue and tape in your supply cupboard than your significant others tool box....( and they are kinda jealous about that.) one point

21) You've have had the equivelent to road rage... which I will call Machine rage... if you don't understand this.. you probably haven't had it. one point

22) You own a small rain forest of books and magazines... and have managed to complete at least 2 projects from them.
3 additional points of you have NEVER made something from your books/magazines.





OK so here is your diagnoses... 

0-8 points- Craftitis- appears your safe from the full blown affliction, however you may be showing early signs of schizocraftia. You must be vigilant of your symptoms to maintain this level or this shit can spread like field fire. Seriously its like a bad rash.. Talk to friends and family to keep an eye out for you. No need to hide the credit card yet.

9-15 points - Craft-omia- You've probably lost sleep over crafts before... or maybe lost your cool... maybe your craft rage fits have been mistaken for hormonal mood swings by your partner. You're probably the person people come up to at work and ask random craft questions to " So .. can you make this chip bag into a re-useable diaper" You're self control is admired by fellow Schizocraftians they remember when they were like you, but they silently laugh as they know you are in too deep. They envy your ability to stay organized and  shelf space. Beware of these enablers who call themselves your friends, choose wisely my friends. This is a slippery slope indeed.

16-23- YUP Schizocraftia Welcome to the club here is your crazy card. You daydream about crafts and spend your lunch breaks working on projects.You can't watch TV or a movie without something in your hands. In fact you went back to watch "Hunger Games" TWICE in theaters to study that sweet ass sweater Catniss was wearing. DAMN thats cute eh? You're virtually always have something you've made on you and some people at work aren't sure what your name is so they just call you " Martha"  You stash crafts like a squirrel with acorns... I mean its not like fabric has an expiry date right?  Besides which your collection of hand knitted dish clothes and socks are cool.

23+ points - Schizocraftia-giantitis. You got big problems my friend.. You probably have or need a separate part of your will dedicated for your supplies. You could have your own show DOOMS DAY CRAFT STASHERS. (shit that's a good idea...) People have marked your name on their apocolpys map because you probably could make a house out of pop bottles and clothing out plastic shopping bags fused together for fabric...... in fact I bet you thought that was a cool idea didn't you?

5 comments:

  1. bahahah this is fantastic!!! xoxoxo

    ReplyDelete
  2. Gotta put my hand up.
    Hello my name is Vanessa and I suffer from Schizocraftia.
    I've posted my results over on my blog :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Welcome to the club, glad to hear there are others. WELCOME. Now you have a name for it! haha.

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  3. I've got it bad and I don't even want to be cured!!!!

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  4. Hi, great post!
    I took the liberty of translating bits and sharing them on a French quilters forum (with a link back to your post, of course!). I hope you don't mind.

    ReplyDelete